Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god:

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince Exclusive Clip


FIVE MORE DAYS.

Dressagegrrrl: **Smooshes kitty face** Could this cat be any more precious?
Rob: Actually, yes.
Dressagegrrrl: Huminah?
Rob: **turns kitty over and runs a finger down her belly** For example, she could be stuffed with gold.

Oh, RFN. King of the puns. :)

This weekend is the Celtic Fling and the Highland Games on the property of the PA Ren Faire/Mt. Hope Winery. Hooray!

RFN tells me he is planning on buying a kilt so he can pimp it out at the Ren Faire in August. This makes me go like this: :)

This conversation came about with my trader Joe after I tried to relate a story in which I screeched like a little girl because the other trader, Dan, startled me.

Dressagegrrrl: Ugh, how embarrassing. I just screamed in the kitchen and almost spilled coffee all over myself.
Joe: **Not looking up from the Bloomberg terminal.** What happened? Did you see a spider?
Dressagegrrrl: Nah. That kind of stuff doesn't bother me. **Thinks.** For example, last night I was riding at the barn, and I had to bury a dead badger. It was rotting. There were bugs.
Joe: **Looks up and stares**
Dressagegrrrl: ...That was probably a story I should have kept to myself.
Joe: No, it's cool. I remember when I had to bury my first dead badger.

...I really like my trader boys.

---

And on that note (you, know - the rotting badger one), Happy Birthday, Lariope!

Okay, so in Season One, Buffy is drowned. Xander resuscitates her, and she goes on to defeat the Master - 'ol Fruit Punch Mouth.

However, because she was technically dead, another Slayer was called - Kendra. That means there were two active Slayers.

So how come, when Buffy died for 147 days in between Seasons 5 and 6, no other Slayer was called?

At first I was thinking that it was because there was already another active Slayer, but that REALLY doesn't make sense because if that was true, Faith never would have been called after Kendra died.

So... is there anyone out there better versed in the Buffyverse that knows the answer?

Rob and I saw Terminator Salvation this weekend with my awesome sister-in-law, Amy.

This movie deserved its bad ranking on Rotten Tomatoes. Yet, YET - There were some incredibly interesting and compelling elements to it. For example: Marcus Wright, the machine that didn't know he was a machine. He FASCINATED me. And the actor that played him - Sam Worthington - absolutely stole the show. (Christian Bale was kinda lame in this one. ...Which, after watching Equilibrium, I would have thought impossible.) Also, Anton Yelchin as Kyle Reese was very good.

What RUINED it was:

1. Christian Bale's gravelly Batman Begins voice, and his overall lack of dialogue. I swear, the guy had like five lines and the rest of the time he spent looking mopey and broody.

2. CRAP dialogue. Example:

Marcus Wright: Do you believe in second chances?
Generic Love Interest: Yuh-huh.
Marcus Wright: **Stares broodily at the moon.**
Generic Love Interest: Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm going to jump your bones now I need to share your body heat.
Marcus Wright: **Looks at woman clutching his chest as if she's a nasty case of ringworm** Uh...
Generic Love Interest: Your heart beats. It's sooooooo strong!!!! I love that noise. Ba-dump ba-dump. ...We should start a band.

(Okay, I added that last bit, but the REST is absolutely true.)

3. Flaccid Limp Droopy Poor plotting. ( Avast! Thar be spoilers! )

Still, despite all this, I really enjoyed aspects of this movie, and I'm not sorry I went to see it at all.

---

RFN is planning something sneaky for our five year. I know it. I have no clue what it is.

**Iz suspicious**

Along these lines:

White Ninja is Amused by Mutual Affection

Apparently, there is a(nother) Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie in the works.

I heard this news and I squeed like the nerdy fangrrrl I am.

Then...

Then... I found out that they weren't going to cast Sarah Michelle Gellar. Okay, so I have to admit that didn't crush me. My continuity hindbrain was a bit rankled, but to me, Buffy was one of the less likeable characters in the show, so I was still okay with it.

Then...

THEN I FOUND OUT THAT THEY ARE NOT PLANNING ON BRINGING JOSS WHEDON BACK TO DO THE SCRIPT. They are hemming and hawing, but Kazui and Kazui (creators of the craptastic although mildly entertaining 1992 flick) says that they are determined to take Buffy “into a new place” by themselves.

And AND, they aren't following the story line in Season 8. No sirree. They are "REBOOTING" the entire series from the beginning.

Is Hollywood crazy?

Okay, stupid question. RAWR.

When questioned about it, Whedon stated, "I hope it's cool."

Dressagegrrrl: HYPOTHESIS!!
RFN: Yes?
Dressagegrrrl: My hypothesis is that magic actually exists. It's not inborn to humans, but it's possible to build it up. Like... static electricity.
RFN: So, you're saying that the magic happens when you rub things together?
Dressagegrrrl: **Smirks at sex joke** Precisely.
RFN: How do you propose to test said theory?
Dressagegrrrl: It's elemental, dear RFN...
RFN: Do you mean elementary?
Dressagegrrrl: Of course. We will test it by rubbing two objects together and then seeing if you can do magic. I propose we start with cat fur and male pubic hair.
RFN: ...You really shouldn't be allowed to own animals.
Dressagegrrrl: It's all in the name of science! **In the background, a cat yowls.**

Please note: No cats were actually rubbed on pubic hair for the transcription of this conversation.

---

In other news, RFN, my nephew RJ, pure_nell_alpha and I all took the cinnamon challenge. Videos to come.

BANANAPHONE.

---

So, ANGEL.

RFN (pronounced Riffin, if you weren't sure) and I watched us some Angel last night.

Three episodes!

And...

We were pleasantly surprised. It suffers a bit from early-season Buffyitis - some of the eps are uneven, but WOW - that pilot episode was REALLY funny. It was nice because even though they didn't change Angel's character too much, the writers really had their tongues wedged pretty far in their cheeks. (What? What did YOU think I was going to say?) They poked a lot of gentle fun at Angel and his broodiness, and since I'm mercurial and fickle, it made me warm up to Captain Forehead a lot.

Oh, but I did want to say that the episode where Spike comes to get the Gem of Amara from Angel was crap.

Don't kill me.

See, this part was hilarious:


However.

It's literally the ONLY good Spike part of this episode. Here's why:

1. They made him bumbling and goofy. And kind of idiotic. Spike's impulsive and violent, but he's not a bumbler. I mean, he said it best in this episode when he mentioned that he had a great plan, but got bored waiting. Making him a weak opponent did nothing but weaken the Angel character, too. I thought that was bad writing. I also thought they should have explored the sire/childe issue, and how that might have affected any fight that was between the two of them.

2. He didn't have a good foil! He was alone almost the entire episode! The worst was when ( spoilers ) Even when he was the Big Bad in Season Two, he had Dru to play off of. He's best in an ensemble. I felt like most of his lines in this episode were delivered in the form of a monologue. It was flat and kind of stupid.

And was it just me, or were his pants hiked up especially high? Yes, it gave me the added benefit of being able to eyeball his junk to gauge its size. Alas, it also made him look nerdy.

Sigh. Overall, not the best. The first two eps were FANTASTIC, though.

Oh. My. God.

No, seriously. Oh. My. GOD.

This man needs to be wrapped in saran wrap and beaten with a cudgel by his justifiably angry ex-wife. ...And then rolled down a hill in a barrel that's been pounded full of nails.

I'm just saying...

Contract of Wifely Duties.

Thanks to an invite from the generous threegoldfish, I am now a dreamwidth user. If you've got an account, please feel free to friend me over there. :)

Here I am!!

I've got absolutely nothing up there now. Soon, my pretties. Soon.

Oh my god. I don't think anything else on earth will be better than this book.

From Amazon:

The Guardian is reporting that the author of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies has a new project on the horizon: Abraham Lincoln, vampire hunter. Try as I might, I can't come up with anything better than this:

"[The book will be] a presidential biography in the vein of a Doris Kearns Goodwin or David McCullough, but repositioning the president as the greatest vampire hunter to walk the earth But rather than just toss vampires in wherever he feels, [author Seth Grahame-Smith] is doing a lot of research to see where they could fit in properly to the actual events of Lincoln's life."

If you don't know what "teabagging" is, go here before you watch this clip or read any further.

Ummm... I love MSNBC. There's no way that they didn't do this deliberately.

Here's another gem:
"April 15th will be teabagging day for the right wing and they'll be going nuts for it..."

Hilarious.



I also adore their poke at Fox News.

I'll be posting a more personal newsy type post. I've been slacking lately, posting nothing but pop-culture effluvia. I have to admit that the end of winter with its cold wind and gray days has been getting me down. I've been really unmotivated and surly, so I've been a bit absent.

HOWEVER. Today is gorgeous and so was yesterday, so I'm starting to recover now that I've gotten a sufficient amount of time in the sunshine.

Through some strange twists and acrobatic maneuverings, my boss and I managed to get all the way off topic from delegending some restricted certs to LOLCats and general lolcatty goodness.

Over the course of our conversation, I discovered that someone is translating the Bible into Kitty Pidgin. "Ceiling Cat" and the corresponding "Basement Cat" (a black cat who lives in the basement) have been chosen represent God and Satan in the lolcat universe.

Here's some delicious excerpts from the Bible, Kitteh translation:

Okays den. Kittehs, u keeps praysin da Ceiling Cat, and tells othar kittehs u frindz wit him. 16 Dont furget! U gotta do niec tings fur othar kittehs, and share ur cheezburgers and stufz wit kittehz who have nun. Dis maeks Ceiling Cat real happys.

- Hebrews 13:15-16

So liek teh Ceiling Cat lieks teh ppl lots and he sez 'Oh hai I givez u me only kitteh and ifs u beleevs in him u wont evr diez no moar, k?

- John 3:16

Sacrilicious!! You can find more translated goodness here, on the LOLCat Bible Translation Wiki homepage.

**Edited to say: OMG. The Holy Ghost is HoverCat.**

All the way to the end.

...You can thank me later.

Since I'm tired of being sick and headachey, I'm going to officially declare today Dressagegrrrl's International Day of Nasty and Snide Jibes.

If you leave a comment, I'll insult you with Shakespeare... or at least in Shakespearean English.

I was not prepared to find this as hilarious as I did. Particularly the ending.

Dressagegrrrl: So, I really want to read the book, but I saw that I'd have to order the actual book. They don't offer a kindle version at all!
RFN: Wait, so you don't want to read normal paperback books anymore? Why not? You've got all of these books in your TBR pile!
Dressagegrrrl: **Groaning in frustration** Every time I try, I open them up and think, OMG, the print is soooo tiny. I don't think it'll be so easy to jump back and forth. I love my kindle too damn much.
RFN: Well, of course you do.
Dressagegrrrl: What does that mean?
RFN: Remember that time you were on top of that building? You fell off the edge, but just when you thought you were going to plunge to your doom, Kindle's big, brawny arm reached out and pulled you in to safety.
Dressagegrrrl: **Looks fascinated**
RFN: And then Kindle pulled you tight to its chest and kissed you passionately before whispering in your ear... ... ... ...
...
...
...
Good luck.


It sickens me how much funnier he is than me. Not only did he come up with a weird, off-the-wall scenario in which I'm being romanced by my e-reader, he manages to tease me about my reading predilections AND SQUEEZE IN A BUFFY REFERENCE.

What a man!

---

BTW - Sorry if you comment to me or send me a note and I don't respond immediately (or ever if it's on an older post). My notifications are all wonky again. Rawr.

---

Psssst... It's nearly 5 PM and I'm still in my jammy jams since I worked from home today.

SPOILER ALERT. Do not read if you have any intention of going to see this movie, because I'm about to tell you the whole thing.

---

Nicholas Cage: I am an ASTROPHYSICIST!!!

Audience: ...

Nicholas Cate: NO, REALLY!

Audience: ...

Nicholas Cage: Also, I have a son whose name is Caleb who is nine. He is vurry good actor. Just like his poppa!

Audience: **A single cough echoes around the theatre**

Caleb: Dearest father, I have a letter from a time capsule!

Nicholas Cage: **taking swig of bourbon** Your mother is dead! WOE, WOE, WOE! Do you know how long it's been since I've been laid? What are all of these squiggly things?

Caleb: Those are numbers, father.

Nicholas Cage: ...

Caleb: **Looking impatient** A number is a mathematical object used in counting and measuring. A notational symbol which represents a number is called a numeral, but in common usage the word number is used for both the abstract object and the symbol, as well as for the word for the number. ...I'm nine.

Nicholas Cage: Oh my god! This paper predicted 9/11! Also, a lot of other bad stuff! DUDE.

Caleb: Things talk to me sometimes.

Nicholas Cage: Hush now. I must wave this paper around frantically and hurl myself into danger. I'm also planning on making suspicious calls to the National Security Agency which can be traced back to me.

Caleb: Last night, this blonde dude was in my room.

Nicholas Cage: I said hush! There's a plane crash coming! I must go to the spot it is destined crash using my well-timed GPS product placement and... stop it... by... being... slack-jawed and moist-lipped!

Caleb: I saw the end of the world. Also, I got this kickass black rock from a BUNCH of blonde men who drive around in a chevelle looking pouty and vampiric!

Nicholas Cage: OH MY GOD! THIS PAPER PREDICTS THE END OF THE WORLD! I'M GOING TO FLAP MY ARMS FRANTICALLY LOOKING FOR A WAY TO SAVE IT! ALSO, I'M TOTALLY AN ASTROPHYSICIST!

Vampiric-Looking Blonde Man: Ha, ha! Tricked you! There's no way to save the world. Just wanted to make you pee your pants a little.

Nicholas Cage: Oh, ha, good joke- WAAAAAAAAIT A MINUTE.

Vampiric-Looking Blonde Man: No, I'm actually here because I'm going to take your kid and also this little girl over here to another planet so that the human race might survive despite your planet's imminent destruction.

Nicholas Cage: ...

Vampiric-Looking Blonde Man: Oh, also? I'm totally an alien. *Poof* See? My skin is gone and now I'm this pulsing pile of man-shaped goo. Hey kid. Here's a rabbit. That's an adequate replacement for your father, right? You know, your father who I'm planning on leaving here to die in the upcoming solar flare that will destroy the earth?

Caleb: Hell, yeah!

Nicholas Cage: Wait, what?

Caleb: Dad, it's a white rabbit. With a twitchy nose!! See?

Nicholas Cage: Well... It is awfully cute. I guess I can let you go to another planet with an alien who is very likely going to dissect you the minute I'm dead anyway.

Caleb: Awesome.

Vampiric-Looking Blonde Man: Ha ha, your dad is totally right. I'm going to dissect you.

**Earth explodes while Nicholas Cage weeps noisily in his family's embrace**

**Ending Credits**
Two young children run through a field of yellow grass towards a white tree that glows like the moon. Other planets are visible in the sky. The landscape is serene and other.

Caleb: **flicking at his white linen tunic** So, wait. We're hippies now?

Girl: Don't question it, Caleb.

Caleb: ...So the aliens said we're supposed to repopulate mankind. That's why they brought a boy and a girl.

Girl: Yeah, as soon as we get old enough, we'll totally have sex and babies.

Caleb: Ummm... But how are we supposed to repopulate humanity just the two of us?

Girl: Babies, Caleb. Babies.

Caleb: Yeah, but... Who are our kids going to sleep with?

Girl: Oh. I do see your point.

Caleb: I don't think I could sleep with my own daughter, and I don't approve of you sleeping with our son.

Girl: Don't worry. We'll make them sleep with each other.

THE END.